ird School #9 My We Dan Gutman Pictures by Jim Paillot To Emma Contents 1 A Bathroom Emergency 1 2 Miss Lazar to the Rescue 7 3 The Greatest Idea in the History of the World 16 4 Up on the Roof 24 5 A Visit from Mr. Klutz 32 6 The Haunted Toilet Bowl 38 7 Miss Lazar’s Secret Identity 45 8 The Secret of the Secret Room 53 9 Sad, Depressed Mr. Klutz 59 10 A New Hero 65 11 Another Emergency 73 12 Hooray for Miss Lazar! 77 About the Author and the Illustrator Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher 1 1 A Bathroom Emergency My name is A.J. and I hate school. Listen, I’m about to tell you something I never told anyone else. I never even told my best friends, Michael and Ryan. But you can’t tell anyone. It’s a secret. Promise? Cross your heart and hope to die? Are you ready? Okay, here’s the secret. 1 I can’t tell you. Oh, all right, I’ll tell you. Sometimes, when I’m at school, I ask my teacher, Miss Daisy, if I can go to the bathroom even though I don’t really have to go to the bathroom. That’s the secret. Okay, okay, so it isn’t such a great secret. But sometimes I just get that antsy feeling, and I want to get out of class for a few minutes. So I ask to go to the boys’ room. I was feeling that antsy feeling one day in class. Miss Daisy was talking about weather, and she was showing us pictures 2 of volcanoes and tornadoes. It was pretty cool, but I just wanted to stretch my legs for a few minutes. So I raised my hand and asked Miss Daisy if I could go to the boys’ room. She said okay. Nobody else was in the boys’ room. I didn’t have much to do in there. There’s not a whole lot to do in a bathroom, except for go to the bathroom, which I didn’t have to do. I looked in the mirror for a minute and made funny faces. I washed my hands. I shot paper towels at the garbage can. Then I figured I’d better get back to class. I thought I should flush the toilet because then it would sound like I really 3 went to the bathroom. So I flushed i